Eleven Months

After a few unsettling weeks, the White Knight and I are excited to celebrate eleven months since our first date.

And we’re embracing change by doing something that’s out of character for both of us.

He, who is terrible at planning surprises, has come up with the plans for the evening.

And I, the planner/control freak, am allowing him to take the reigns on this whole scheme, and trusting that he has come up with something brilliant.

It will be an adventure to say the least. But right now, I could use a little adventure. I am excited for a night of fun, and not having a care in the world.

I can’t think of a better way to kick off the Memorial weekend.

So here’s to surprises, fun-filled adventures, and creating new memories!

 

 

Dinner with Jacks

Real friends can pick up right where they last left off, no matter how much time has passed.

I hadn’t seen my friend Jacks since November of last year!

She was just as shocked.

It certainly didn’t feel like six months had passed since our last get-together.

This time we didn’t bring the boys along. It was just us girls having a nice dinner at BJ’s.

Feels like I’ve been going there a lot lately. 

But anyway…we caught up on work, how she’s enjoying married life, and our recent trips.

And over our bignet/strawberry/ice cream dessert, we exchanged gossip, which is always fun!

But like all good things, our dinner had to come to an end.

Before parting ways, we agreed to set up another outing. And soon!

Next time, we’ll even invite the boys, since they seemed to enjoy each other’s company so much. Can’t wait!

 

Family Time

I found it. The constant in my life.

It’s my family.

And I can’t even begin to express how much their company, and their support means to me, especially during tough times.

Earlier today, we all had Tito’s for dinner. Mmmm…empanadas.

Then we sat around the livingroom just talking about life, and everything that’s going on right now.

I have to say that their positivity rubbed off on me. I guess it doesn’t hurt to know that they’re there for me, no matter what.

And have I mentioned how excited I am to be an auntie?

My sis-in-law is super cute and totally pregnant! Her belly really shows now. And today, I felt Adriana moving for the first time. It was amazing!

I don’t know what it is, but I feel like this baby is going to bring us even closer together.

Can’t wait to meet my little niece and see what positive changes she brings into our lives.

Here’s a picture of their growing family:

 

Reality Check

Okay, so not everything is bad.

You caught me in a moment of weakness.

Amidst all the turmoil, there are bright moments of happiness.

Like this weekend for example.

Friday evening, the White Knight and I got a do-over from a few weeks ago. We finally went to see Avengers, which lived up to, and perhaps even exceeded my expectations. And before that, we had a nice dinner, during which he told me all about the bartending class he’s taking for fun. I’m happy that he’s enjoying it and I hope he does well on his exam.

Saturday, we finally got to go to the Renaissance Pleasure Faire. (Thanks for the tickets, Sapphire!) Sure, it was hot and there was too much dust flying around for my taste, but it was actually a lot of fun. We saw live jousting, with fake blood and everything. Also, for the record, “our” knight did not win. But it was entertaining nonetheless.

And since I like to indulge in unhealthy, but oh-so satisfying treats, I enjoyed every bite of a strawberry cream scone. It was simply that. A scone covered in whipped cream, topped with fresh, sliced strawberries.

Then, as we walked alongside the water, we spotted some geese, which the White Knight insisted I not feed. He was sure one of them would bite me! That was funny.

We also watched a performer who swallowed fire and pulled off a couple of card tricks. Then, he proceeded to juggle a 10-lb bowling ball, a lit-up torch, and an apple, which he bit into as he juggled. Simply amazing!

So with that, I will work on keeping these happy times at the forefront of my mind. It’s not an easy thing to do when nothing else seems to be going right. But here we go again. Let’s try this positivity thing one more time.

Feeling Hopeless, or Perhaps Helpless

A lot has been happening in the last few weeks. I feel instability in pretty much every aspect of my life: work, love, and my living situation.

I look back just a few weeks, and the future seemed bright and promising.

Today, I wonder if I’ll still be employed in 90 days; if I’ll ever find a home of my own; and if the White Knight and I will be able to withstand the challenges that life has thrown at us.

What’s worse is I feel like I am no longer in control of my own destiny. I had so many plans. They sounded great in my head and for a minute there, I started to believe that they might actually happen. Little did I know that in just a matter of weeks, all that would change.

It feels like it’s all crumbling.

At this particular moment, I feel like I’m being dragged along by an unstoppable current. And no matter how much I fight to swim against it, there is no hope. So all that I wished for; all that I hoped for, it’s once again a distant dream.

I realize the tone of this post is just a few lines short of optimistic. I have been trying so hard to keep my chin up. It’s hard to do when everything is changing. You don’t know what to hold on to, and what to let go of.

Should I succumb to accepting that life will happen whether or not I like it? And that change, good or bad, will take place with or without my consent?

It’s so hard to just “let it go” and see where the life might take me. Because right now, I feel like it’s not taking me anywhere. It’s keeping me in the exact same place.

And from my perspective, there is nothing worse than mediocrity, which I often find goes hand in hand with being “content.”

If I “let it go” and “just accept things” then aren’t I just settling?

I feel stuck. Held back. I am ready for change, but not the kind of change that makes it impossible to move forward.

I refuse to give up. I refuse to give in. And I refuse to let life drag me along.

I need to know that there is hope; that I will not always be in this situation; that I don’t have to give up on my dreams.

Time for Change

I’ve had a rough week, to say the least. And when I look back at the reasons why, it boils down to this: my attitude.

I don’t know when I allowed the negativity to take over, but I started thinking that I need to change the way I look at things.

It’s a difficult thing for me. Well, for a lot of people I guess. It’s so easy to whine, complain, criticize, and give up.

What’s even worse is the need to be right; or the need to be in control. I wish I could snap my fingers and change that.

Well, it’s not gonna happen overnight, but I’m making an effort to change my ways.

And I’m gonna work on being happy.

A friend of mine shared this article earlier. It was so insightful.

And I can do all of these things. They just take effort. And a change in attitude.

I hope you take the time to read the article and take from it what you will.

There were a few items that grabbed me because I know they will be the biggest challenge. So, I’ve decided to focus all my energy on them:

1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.

11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.

14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

The last two items are directly correlated to overcoming my fear of abandonment. I’m determined to let it go because I’ve seen just how destructive it’s been on my relationships with others.

So here’s to a new outlook on life. I wish you all a happy Thursday, and a fabulous weekend!

Avery’s Bucket List

Well, ladies and gents, this little beauty has put my bucket list to shame. In her short life, she’s already accomplished so much!

I just heard her story for the first time and it is truly inspiring. I couldn’t help but share it with all of you.

Here’s a short video on Avery and her amazing parents.

If you have a moment, read her blog, and learn about everything she’s done so far, and the many things she hopes to accomplish in the next 18 months.

Reading her story has reminded me of just how much I have to be grateful for. I hope she will do the same for you.

I wish you all a wonderful Monday and a happy rest of the week!